I think I’m afraid of birds now. While running this evening I was literally attacked by this bird here. Okay, to be honest, I’m not 100% it was that kind of bird as it swooped at me from behind started shrieking, and then tried to bite my head successfully making off with some hair. That website doesn’t say this bird is super territorial so either I’m wrong about the type of bird or birds (like people and elephants) come in different types–some are just jerks.

I was running big laps so I passed this bird about 5 times. Or potentially passed it 5 times. The first time, it attacked my head, I SCREAMED! Then laughed at myself. I was totally prepared to come home and put on facebook: “Attacked by a bird while running–don’t worry he just made off with a little hair. Couldn’t say if he loved or loathed the new haircut…”

Then I passed him for the second time. I was like head swivel left, head swivel right PHEW all clear, no crazy kamikaze bird on this bridge this time! And the JUST AS I WAS RUNNING OFF! He swooped in and started SHRIEKING AT MEEEEEEE. Again. I ran off and shouted back at it GO AWAY!

Third lap I went around his precious bridge.

Fourth lap I saw what I think was actually a different bird but it was a red spot blackbird or whatever but it was making the same I HATE YOU SO MUCH noise. I am not proud of this. I actually screamed at it “I WILL CUT YOU!” Thank god there was no one else around. That I saw.

Fifth lap I did like an extra tenth of a mile to give the fucking bird all the space it wanted. Stupid bird.

My head hurts. I AM SUING THIS BIRD FOR THE COSTS OF MY EXTENSIVE MEDICAL TREATMENT AND THE PAIN AND SUFFERING I HAVE ENDURED AT HIS TINY CLAWED FEET AND MILDLY ANNOYING BEAK!

Fin.