I thought, since my lack of blogging has taken my readership down to perhaps 0, I could share this with out too much fear of bumming a lot of people out.

A really great and wonderful thing happened today, but it’s impossible to just be happy about it. This morning, I called my parent’s house. Not particularly notable as my Dad and I speak 2-7 times a day. At least. But today, for the first time in as long as I can remember, my mom answered the phone. I literally cannot remember the last time she made the connection, pick up ringing phone and say hello. A year ago? A year and half?

She said hello, and it just, sounded like her. She sounded the way she always sounded all of the thousands of times that I’ve called my parents in the decade since I left their house. Of course, she isn’t they way she always was in that decade, and we didn’t really have a conversation. I said “MOM! You picked up the phone!” and she said “Well, I had to!” And I had no answer to that. And then my Dad, who had also picked up the phone, started talking to me about snow and shoveling. At the end I said “GOOD TO TALK TO YOU MOM” and she said “Bye” or nothing. Who can remember. She was back to being her blank self, not her real self.

Which is of course why this “Hello?” is making me happy/sad and worth writing about. For a second she sounded herself, and when will that happen again? Will I ever hear my mother’s voice when I call the house again? Is this the last time that she’ll pick up the phone? Is it the last time that she’ll tell me she loves me? Is this the last time that she’ll remember who I am?

Alzheimers is the worst because everything that’s sad is miserable. And everything that’s happy is sad. Every good thing that happens may be the last time that good thing happens. Every bad thing that happens is just a reminder of where we’re headed.

And now dear reader, I have officially bummed you out. But don’t be sad ok? I’m trying not to be too. My mom picked up the phone today. Maybe tomorrow she’ll say something else to me.